you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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