I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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