Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
