we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
