Your tits are I can't wait for
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
