my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
