Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
