From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
