you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
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Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize