There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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