We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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