hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
