Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
