apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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