you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
