You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
