if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
