I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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