I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
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Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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