found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
