Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
