I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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