Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
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just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
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I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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