You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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