Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
