If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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