Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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