Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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