ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just want nice things and good sex
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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