I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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