Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
