so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
