She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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