I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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