well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
