that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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