I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize