I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
