I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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