By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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