What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
