roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
