I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Drake has all the answers
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
