She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
