I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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