ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
