Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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