I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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