I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize