Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
