so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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