Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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