you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
