Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
