Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
