a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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