Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
