You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
