yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
