Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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