Yo dont text me then not text me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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