goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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