apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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