i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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