I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
