Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
